Apologizing is hard to do. Even when you know the other person is right, admitting you were in the wrong and saying you are sorry sometimes just isn't simple. Most of the time, it just seems easier to ignore the situation until it all "goes away." But in reality, it isn't. For one, the situation never really goes away, and two, even though it may feel better now, it won't in the long run. I promise. So, to borrow the words of Nike, I have three words for you:
Just do it!
Now, I'm not telling you to do this while seated comfortably on the saddle of my high horse. Instead, as with most of my blog topics, I have my own challenges with this topic. But, after a little encounter with apologizing earlier this week, I can honestly say it feels SO much better to just say sorry. Let me explain...
You all already know that I am working on being happy
. Yeah, I know, no one should have to work
on being happy... I never said I was perfect. Anyway, I am proud to report that I am doing really well. Sometimes. Most days.
In any case, I tend to be a very emotional person, and I pick up on the emotions of others very easily. So when other people are being generally ignorant, or rude, or simply being a butthead (yep, I said butthead), it affects me. And, unfortunately, I sometimes take those emotions out on the wrong people. People who had nothing to do with pissing me off. Like Brian.
Welcome to my Monday. Some certain unnamed person drove me to the brink of sanity, so what did I do? I took all of my aggression out on B. Now, I wasn't outwardly violent, but I was definitely snappy and mean. While I realized it at the time, I didn't really think about it until much later. In the shower. Don't get dirty on me now, all of my best thinking and decompressing happens in the shower.
Regardless of my location at the time, I really thought about and realized that I was completely wrong for taking my anger out on him. The way I looked at it, I had two ways to move forward. One, I could ignore the situation and wait for it to blow over. I knew this would work, because B loves me. Or, I could take a hit to the ego and apologize, admitting that my behavior was unacceptable. I'm picturing crawling up like the dog with its tail between its legs after peeing on the kitchen floor...
So I apologized. And guess what? It felt good. Yep, it actually felt good to say "I'm sorry." Even though B didn't respond with "That's ok, don't worry about it." Instead, he responded with "Thank you." In that moment, I realized we aren't supposed to apologize to have people tell us that our actions were ok, we apologize so they know that we know we were wrong and want to make it right.
And in the end, that 'thank you' was exactly what I needed to hear.