Over it

I have been debating this post for a long time. Mainly because I don't know how to give enough detail about my crappy job to make it make sense, without telling you all exactly where I work. But since I literally almost walked out today to go back to waitressing, I figure it is time to get it off my chest.

First of all, I have to say that I am really passionate about the organization I work for. It is a local non-profit in the housing industry and I truly believe in what we are trying to do. But by "we" I pretty much mean my boss and myself. While the organization has a bunch of supporters and even a few interns/contract workers, most of the day-to-day business is put on the two of us. And because my boss is super busy and still leads half a life on the east coast, it pretty much ends up on me.

Don't get me wrong, I love a challenge. I have worked 12 to 14 hour nonstop shifts where I literally forget if I have peed that day. I thrive off of the adrenaline of a challenge or scary situation. I don't, however, thrive off of dealing with huge egos, or being expected to complete tasks with no resources. Not to mention no company credit card, so everything goes on my account until I am reimbursed.

I think my biggest challenge with this job is that most of what I do is so completely trivial. I know, I am 24 and a recent college graduate, but I also know that I am better than spending my days picking up printer cartridges from Staples and calling cabs for my boss. While there are some days that I come home loving what I do, the days where I come home ranting/crying/exhausted/ready to quit seem to be heavily outnumbering the good days.

So I am doing something about it, or at least trying to.

I applied for one job, it was right up my alley. I waited over a month, then get an e-mail that they are "moving ahead in our search for candidates who we feel are a closer match to what we need." Seriously?

I took that hit really hard. While I am not one to be openly optimistic, I was really hoping the end was near at my current job. I have been pretty depressed on the work front since then- I really have no energy left to put into my current job, especially when I need every ounce to look for a new one.

Which I have started to do with a vengeance.

I have spend so much time on career search Web sites the last few days that my eyes are numb. I have looked at everything from forklift operator to high level executive to Panda Express team member. Honestly, these sites don't seem to be getting me very far.

One goal this weekend is to re-apply to the "right up my alley" company for another position they have open. Not exactly what I want to be doing, but at least it will get me out of the job hell I am currently occupying.

Bri is also helping me out. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but he is a photojournalist. As such, he works with a lot of writers, one of which I'd like to be. Chances are I'll start freelancing for his paper soon, as the dying newspaper industry has led to a lot of layoffs and a lot more contracted work. But it won't be full time, and there won't be benefits involved. Yuck. For now I'll just add it on as a part time thing- it will give me something to do while he shoots weddings every weekend this summer. But I still need something permanent.

I am hoping to hear back from one of Bri's acquaintances- she runs PR for a hospital in our area. Ironically, writing and hospitals are two of my favorite things (I was going to be a veterinarian before the loans scared me away). I really think that this could be the perfect job for me. Not that she even has a job open, but I hope that she will be willing to discuss the field and how she got into it.

Anyway, I really don't know where any of this will lead. Part of me is afraid to leave; I truly don't know what will happen to the organization if I go. But I also can't come home upset or crying every night and wake up every morning anxious about what that day will bring. It isn't who I am, and I am not willing to settle for it.

On the other hand, I do have a job and I have to be thankful for that. I know so many people who have no work, and some a lot less than that. So I am trying to stay optimistic. But at the same time, reality is different for everyone and in my reality, this is a huge challenge. But with all of the huge challenges I have overcome, I am sure I will conquer this one too.