Losing hope

This sucks. I really can't think of any other way to put it. Or at least any other way that is blog-friendly.

I just wish we could go back to the excitement, to the rush of buying our first place together. Now all we feel is exhaustion and defeat. Like I have said repeatedly, we knew this wouldn't be easy. We knew that it would be a fight. It is never easy to buy a house, especially when you are 23 with limited finances. But I never expected to feel this defeated.

Even the uncertainty was fun in the beginning. Maybe I was romanticizing about the whole process. But it was fun to go through the listings; having Brian laugh at me as I analyzed every detail. We spent hours glued to HGTV, comparing buyers situation to ours and getting decorating tips for when we had our own space. OK, maybe I was getting the decorating tips, but we were getting them none the less.

It was even fun looking over our listings, watching the number of places we had seen grow. Most Sunday nights through July and August were spent in Brian's living room, looking at photo after photo of moldy basements, overgrown yards and belongings left behind. Now I can't even remember the last time we were physically in a house-- all of our time is spent e-mailing back and forth with banks and Realtors.

We are still waiting to hear back from the banks. According to what we are told, the appraiser was sent back out to report on the condition of the house now that the water was on, and that report will be used as leverage against the selling bank. At this point we are assuming the bank will pay for the repairs on the water line, but it is doubtful that they will bring all plumbing in the house up to code, which is copper.

If they do not make our required repairs we are going to have to walk away from this deal, even if it means that we have no back up. We have been looking into some area apartments, but we have both agreed that it would have to be a pretty special place to get us to go the rental route.

The hardest part for me right now is the uncertainty. I want to know what the next step is. I really don't like living back at home, but for now there is no end in sight. I think all these feelings and thoughts are pronounced because, technically, we were supposed to move in last weekend. Before having our closing date pushed back (twice) our original closing date was Oct. 28. Which means that if all had gone according to plan, I could have been driving to our new place after work today.

We really hope to hear something this week, positive or negative. At least that way we will know what our next step is. If we do need to look at apartments, it would be nice to find something with a Dec. 1 move in date. Although if this house does work out, we will be holding off until Dec. 8. Either way, we are both beyond ready to move on from this process.